I was pretty excited about going out with the girl's, girl's I haven't seen in about 15 years. These were friends of mine from another lifetime, a time when life seemed pretty simple, my beliefs were in tact and I was confident in who I was and where I was going.
As each person arrived we greeted each other with a hug, telling the other how good they looked and how good it was to see them again. We sat down, I had the wine list in front of me, really looking forward to a drink but not really knowing if it would offend someone so I hesitated and just ordered water for the time being.
We went around the table, each of us telling what we've done with ourselves over the last 15 years. Dating, marriage, babies, and adventures of travel and work.
I was really hoping the subject of church and religious views wouldn't come up. I didn't want the atmosphere to change, because I knew it would if anyone questioned me directly. Well sure enough the question came and sure enough the atmosphere changed.
I tried to be careful what I said, being very casual in my response. In doing so I'm sure I sounded worse off then if I would have gone into the how's and why's of my beliefs. Belief's that have changed since we all knew each other so long ago. I suppose what really got under my skin, once I had time to reflect on the conversation, was it starting out with the statement, " I've heard rumours...." After that came the same statements and questions that I have with anyone with whom I share my beliefs with. You know I don't mind the conversation I think I just didn't want it to become a point with people I haven't spoken to in over 15 years.
After spending over 10 minutes talking about this I tried to change the subject and was successful, but not before I saw the eye brows raise and jaw drop reaction to some things I said. And to top it off what the statement, " well that's interesting..." Needless to say I knew I had probably offended so I ordered a Bloody Marie and enjoyed each vodka filled mouthful. ( is that spiteful??) LOL
I have been somewhat irritated for the past few days about this. I vented to my husband saying to him, " why would you ask someone their religious views in a public setting, especially when you haven't spoken in over a decade?" He objectively said it was a bit understandable, they are curious, they've heard rumours, etc.
Why was this bothering me so much. I felt judged big time. I felt like I didn't have the time to properly explain, I felt kind of interrogated.
I think what really bothered me is that my family is being discussed among my childhood friends. People are talking about us, why does that bother me?? These people haven't been a part of my life in so long, why is this bothering me?
I am sure I am being overly sensitive about it, right?
7 comments:
I have sat staring at your post for some time now... trying hard to appropriately communicate the millions of random thoughts and rants in response.
I've wrote more comments in here then your viewers would care to read/scam over, so instead I delete and leave as this...
Be proud of who you are and stand strong in what you believe. At the end of the day girl - it's you who are living your life, not anyone else! I'm honored to know you and call you my friend! I'm even more honored to walk through life with such an amazing, courageous, and trailblazing woman (whether we agree on details or not - haha) ;-) Love ya always!
I agree - not appropriate to question you in a public setting, nor with a group. If someone was really interested, why wouldn't they just send you an e-mail or call you?
I think I understand a bit where you are coming from. My belief system has changed (probably not major, just minor) from my youth group days. It's funny, but after over 25 years, I've reconnected with some of them on FB and many of them have also changed their belief systems too.
Waugdai- thanks for your kind words T!
Cocotte- I agree an email before hand would have been way more appropriate for sure. I guess next time I will have a little speach prepared just in case... LOL
Oh, Jody... *sigh* I'm sorry that your fun night had a crummy edge to it. I hate those types of moments, whether explaining a difference of beliefs to other believers or straight up defending why you are a Religious Freak to your atheist friend... can't we all just have a drink and get along???
I heard a quote the other day that really spoke to a truth,
"You can tell you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do" ~Anne Lamot
I have no idea who this author is, but she hit the nail on the head. I know that we ALL believe as we do because we believe we've examined and studied and searched and come close to "hitting the mark". This is a good thing; I wouldn't want anyone to believe something they weren't convinced of in their hearts, right? But, the problem is when we assume that God thinks the same way and then disapproves of anyone who thinks differently.
You encountered that and it sucks. We've all encountered it in one form or another and if I'm honest; I regularly am guilty of doing it to others, too (maybe not in person over appys and drinks after 15 yrs... but perhaps in my heart??)
hahaha... I wrote way too much. :) I'm glad though, that you had the opportunity to "lay rumors to rest", even it was just to confirm them!!! Hopefully people will find something better to occupy their wagging tongues with; maybe something that does some good in this world. I tip my vodka-filled glass to you in solidarity, sister! Cheers!
Flutter- I know you understand girl!! I love the quote too, I suppose I'm guilty as well, I would hope that I too would choose my timing a bit better.
I think a Sangria night at the Freehouse may be in order soon!! XOXO
we should always be ready to give an account for the hope that is in us....I look forward to talking about my beliefs and why I believe them but normally it's the asking party that goes off offended. Glad you are blogging girl!
Jody, you and your family are amazing! ALWAYS be proud of who you are ALWAYS stand strong in your beliefs. Continue being you no matter what. We are so happy our paths crossed, to get to know you and to call you our friend!
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