The Heart of Marriage is Memories - Bill Cosby

July 10,2009 our 10 year wedding anniversary. I can be fairly nostalgic when it comes to momentous occasions in my life. I always look back and ask myself what I was doing at this exact time on that specific date. In keeping with that tradition I looked back on the July 10th, 1999 and here are my memories.
I remember waking up, smiling, knowing that today was my wedding day. I then recalled what had happened the night before when my ladies informed me that we were having a murder mystery party. I was told to dress as my character for the mystery party which was a loose gal with lots of makeup and a short skirt. I complied, a little nervous wondering why I was the only one getting into character, being assured they would all change once we arrived at my friends I went along. I should have known better, my closest gal pals then took me to Earl's ( a hip bar) they taped a sign to my back announcing I was a bride to be and paraded me around the bar. (Ah.. good memories)
I remember being at the hair dressers and holding back the tears as she turned me around to see my reflection in the mirror, after that moment passed one of horror replaced it as I realized I had worn a tighter, pull over your head t-shirt. Thank goodness for my wonderful maid of honor who contorted that shirt every which way to fit over my fancy do'... thanks Tanya!
Upon arriving at the church my soon to be mother-in law informed me that the ring bearer's tux didn't fit ( leave it to my hubby not to have all his guys try things on a day before the wedding-PUNCH) So as we waited for the Best man to race back to the church with a proper tux for the ring bearer all I could focus on was seeing my man-Jay.
When those doors swung open and we finally made eye contact I saw a look come across his face that I hadn't seen before, and since that time have only seen 3 times after. It was a look of deep emotion, appreciation and LOVE. It is the same look I've seen at the birth of our children. It's a look I will never forget.
After exchanging vows, promising to love each other through the good and bad. We were finally man and wife.
So these are my memories of this day, our special day. These are the thoughts I reflect on when our Anniversary comes along every year. These are the memories I will carry and reflect upon on all our years to come.


I dedicate this song to my loving husband on our 10 year Anniversary:

The Love Dare

I had watched a review of 'Fireproof' on Dr.Phil this past summer. I would venture to say that once I realized Kirk Cameron was the lead actor in the show, and that it had a religious element to it, I sort of disregarded it. I had seen previous work by Kirk Cameron in the Left Behind series and wasn't too impressed. I thought this show would be poorly acted and maybe a bit cheesy.
I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the movie. I laughed and cried and felt convicted while watching this struggle that went on between a man and his wife. The selfishness and bitterness that had festered in this relationship had me looking at myself, wondering where I might harbour the same feelings.
No marriage is perfect and sometimes it's so easy to keep record of the other persons rights and wrongs. To see what is lacking, all the short comings can be all we focus on, and yes some grievances are legitimate and maybe some of his are also.
I think what I really learned from this show is in the end disappointments will come in life. People will always let us down in one way or the other, spouses included. It's so easy to let arguments take over, issues about who did what to whom and why, we can go around in circles asking ourselves how did we get here, how do we get off this merry go round of accusation and find a solution? How do we find peace?
This movie points out that to give love, we first have to receive love from God. To know that we are loved in our weakest state, to know there is forgiveness for all our mistakes.I'm not a preacher, I'm not trying to preach, but I feel like I had a bit of a revelation tonight.
My marriage has it's ups and downs, things can feel overwhelming sometimes, finger pointing happens and it never solves anything because whether it be the next day, the next week or in a few weeks I will disappoint my husband yet again, and he me. At which point do we start our finger pointing yet again, have another argument, yet again? It's exhausting and futile.
Perhaps not going to that place of judgement and instead walking in understanding and forgiveness. To crush down that first instinct to become offended and defensive to embrace loving that person. Wow even writing this is hard because it so goes against what some of my first instincts are. Maybe that's a good thing....
Have I reached a new level of Zen in my life?? HARDLY!! This will be going against myself in such a harsh way I may have a half chewed up tongue from biting it so hard when all I want to do is assert myself and my rights to my spouse.
All I know is finger pointing, and listing off eachther's faults and shortcomings isn't working. Maybe walking in love, working it out with forgiveness sprinkled with a healthy portion of grace will work.
Fireproof is a movie worth watching, the acting isn't the best, but it has one of the best messages I've seen in a movie in a very long time.
Here is a trailer for the movie...