Thankful

It's sad that it takes loss and hardship to wake us up, to shake us from the running of everyday life, to slow down and remember what we Do have. It's easy to get negative, to grumble and complain about the dog dragging in dirt, the kids acting up, the husband who leaves his underwear on the bathroom floor, the mountain of dirty dishes that you chip away at daily, yet never get caught up on. Yes the list could go on and on, and we each have our lists.
Someone very close to me is going through a separation. He often talks about missing his children, how he keeps their bedroom doors closed because it's too painful to walk pass because they aren't in them, and when he does venture in it's to smell their pillows. This is truly heartbreaking loss. As we were speaking today, my little guys came to me and whispered that they wanted to make a volcanoe and would I help. I shushed them and asked them to wait because I was on the phone talking. (Now they had interrupted me a few times already so my patience was at a low) upon resuming my conversation I stated I should go and my brother said, 'hey at least your kids are with you.'
That phrase has been running through my head, reminding me to be thankful they are here, that we are at the stage in life that we are in.
So I am trying to put aside the frustrations of life as a stay at home mom to two boys and a dirty puppy. To over look the underwear in the bathroom, and to happily chip away at the dishes.

"The Heart of Marriage is Memories." Bill Cosby

July 10,2008 was my 9 year wedding anniversary. I can be fairly nostalgic when it comes to momentous occasions in my life. I always look back and ask myself what I was doing at this exact time on that specific date. In keeping with that tradition I looked back on the July 10th, 1999 and here are my memories.
I remember waking up, smiling, knowing that today was my wedding day. I then recalled what had happened the night before when my ladies informed me that we were having a murder mystery party. I was told to dress as my character for the mystery party which was a loose gal with lots of makeup and a short skirt. I complied, a little nervous wondering why I was the only one getting into character, being assured they would all change once we arrived at my friends I went along. I should have known better, my closest gal pals then took me to Earl's ( a hip bar) they taped a sign to my back announcing I was a bride to be and paraded me around the bar. (Ah.. good memories)
I remember being at the hairdressers and holding back the tears as she turned me around to see my reflection in the mirror, after that moment passed one of horror replaced it as I realized I had worn a tighter, pull over your heard t-shirt. Thank goodness for my wonderful maid of honor who contorted that shirt every which way to fit over my fancy do'... thanks Tanya!
Upon arriving at the church my soon to be mother-in law informed me that the ring bearer's tux didn't fit ( leave it to my hubby not to have all his guys try things on a day before the wedding-PUNCH) So as we waited for the Best man to race back to the church with a proper tux for the ring bearer all I could focus on was seeing my man-Jay.
When those doors swung open and we finally made eye contact I saw a look come across his face that I hadn't seen before, and since that time have only seen 2 times after. It was a look of deep emotion, appreciation and LOVE. It is the same look I've seen at the birth of our sons. It's a look I will never forget.
After exchanging vows, promising to love each other through the good and bad. We were finally man and wife.
So these are my memories of this day, our special day. These are the thoughts I reflect on when our Anniversary comes along every year. These are the memories I will carry and reflect upon on all our years to come.

7 Questions..

1) What is the 1st thing you do in the morning?~I wake up to the sound of a puppy crying, I race to get dressed, get her out before she dribbles on my WHITE carpet.
2) Your most vivid memory as a child?~I had a friend named Shannon Hart, we played together all day throughout the summer. I remember how much we made each other laugh. She had an old rope swing that hung in front of her house, we use to play on that swing, making each other laugh so hard we peed our pants. We usually had to change clothes a few times a day we laughed so hard.
3) What are you most grateful for?~I am grateful for a happy marriage. I married a man who was my best friend for 7 years prior to us taking our vows. Our friendship and our love has gotten us through some VERY trying time.
4) What hobby would you like to take up?~Photography.
5) Bangs or no bangs?~Side bangs.... for now.
6) Would you ever get a Brazilian???~The thought of someone putting hot wax, then ripping the hot wax off my most tender spot.. hmmmm let me think. NO!
7) What makes you smile?~ My sleepy little sons, snuggling me in the morning...little boy morning breath and all :O)

Hallelujah

I came across this song on You Tube and thought it was beautiful, especially the way these guys sang it. Hope you enjoy.....

Letting go....

I am sitting in silence, thoughts are running through my head. I want to know what thoughts are appropriate to write, to share with whomever reads this thing. It almost feels like a death, yet it's not, maybe it's worse because there is no conclusion, no finality. We are all waiting, hoping and in all honesty knowing that it's over.
A tearing has taken place, and we are all feeling the effects. Saying goodbye to a friend that you've shared your life with, laughed with and confided in is hard.
I don't know what else to say, this is where I am on my journey with this situation.
I wish you well, I wish you whole. I'm letting go...

"and when we pass through stony ground I'll gladly walk upon my knees."